


Samwell Shenanigans

by Blackbeyond



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baking, Beyonce - Freeform, Cats, Cupcake Wars - Freeform, Established Relationship, Falconers, Gay Club, M/M, Neko Atsume - Freeform, Pies, Pokemon GO - Freeform, Samwell Men's Hockey Team - Freeform, Social Media, club shenanigans, headcanons, lemonade, mood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackbeyond/pseuds/Blackbeyond
Summary: A collection of headcanons and short stories from Tumblr about our favorite pie-baking Georgia peach and his photography nerd hockey playing boyfriend.1. Bitty VS Neko Atsume2. Bitty VS Lemonade3. Everyone VS Bitty4. Everyone VS Pokemon GO5. Cupcake Wars AU





	1. Bitty VS Neko Atsume

You know Eric “Bitty” Bittle would have Neko Atsume on his phone.

You know he’d diligently check it every hour on the hour to make sure the cats always have food, makes sure to click on each one that appears and cooing over how cute they are.

I’m imagining Bitty losing his shit because GODDAMN TUBBS IS EATING ALL THE FOOD AGAIN THERE ARE OTHER CATS THAT NEED TO EAT HOW RUDE

And it gets to the point that when there are lulls in his skype calls with Jack, he checks his phone and proceeds to show Jack the new cats he’s seen and OH Jack there is the cutest little thing named Ginger look at how orange it is I want ten!

So anyway the first pet that Jack buys for his house is a cat.

Her name is Ginger and Bitty lets out a squeak when he sees her.

(There’s a brief period when he insists that Ginger needs to go because Jack she has knocked over three pies. I cannot live with an animal that does not respect my pies.)


	2. Bitty VS Lemonade

So, Bitty wasn’t going to let Lemonade take his life off track. 

I mean, forget the time Beyonce announced her pregnancy on live television and Bitty cried for an hour because she was going to bring another angel to this earth.

Forget the time he screamed when Beyonce dropped a record out of nowhere and he suddenly had more Beyonce to soundtrack his life.

Forget when Formation came out and Bitty had to bake twelve pies to calm down.

He would not let Lemonade effectively ruin his life.

So, of course, he’s sitting in front of the television in his room with a lemonade in one hand and his tablet in the other.

“Should I…do you need a moment with Beyonce?” Jack asks. He’s not bitter, there’s actually a smile on his face as he watches Bitty’s face get more excited the closer it gets to the start of the event.

“I don’t even know what it’s going to be,” Bitty whispers, clutching his lemonade close to his heart. “I couldn’t concentrate on anything today.”

“You burned a pie, it was in the group text,” Jack mentions.

“I know!” Bitty cries out. “I never burn pies! Beyonce is ruining my life!”

There’s a silence while Bitty reevaluates his life choices and Jack watches in amusement.

“Hey, Bittle.”

“Yeah hun?”

“It’s starting.”

“Oh god. I’m not ready for this Jack.”

“Call me when it’s over eh?”

There’s a whimper and Jack chuckles when the screen goes black.


	3. Everyone VS Bitty

Bitty’s mood is proportionate to how many pies he’s baking. The more pies he bakes, the worse his mood is, the pies help him work out his feelings.

One pie is normal, ten pies is iffy, he hits twenty pies? The Haus sends lil Chowder down to talk to Bitty to find out what’s wrong because the kid is the only one Bitty won’t yell at.

If he won’t tell Chowder what’s wrong?

“It was nice knowing this Haus, but it’s time to leave. Bitty has baked thirty pies, someone is going to get murdered and it won’t be me.”


	4. Everyone VS Pokemon Go

**Falconers**

  * Tater downloads that shit first. Pokemon is very important and he’s gonna catch ‘em all dammit.
  * Jack downloads it after Tater ends up accidentally throwing his phone to catch the Pikachu in the locker room.
  * Practices are hell after that incident.
  * “ZIMMBONI YOU BLOCK ME TRY TO GET EEVEE” “THIS IS PAYBACK FOR CHECKING ME RIGHT WHEN I FOUND A ZUBAT” “NOBODY LIKE ZUBAT ZIMMBONI”
  * Pokemon Go is banned from the locker room when Marty and Guy get into a fight while searching for a Cubone.
  * Jack ends up bonding with his team gradually when they all go out together searching for Pokemon.
  * He also ends up meeting a lot of young fans who are stunned to discover just how nerdy these hockey geeks are.
  * It drums up a lot of positive press when the Falconers chill out in parks and catch Pokemon and battle and look for Poke Stops.
  * George does wish Jack would chill with trying to find a Pikachu. (Jack doesn’t tell her he found one and named it Bitty.)
  * Tater becomes the gym leader and will actually fight anyone who tries to defeat him.
  * All of the Falconers are Yellow Team members.
  * They don’t know they’re all on the same team in the game.



**The Haus (plus Shitty)**

  * BITTY LOSES HIS SHIT BECAUSE HE WANTS AN EEVEE IMMEDIATELY JACK WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL HIM THE GAME WAS OUT SOONER? OH MY GOODNESS HE HAD NO IDEA IT WAS COMING OUT SO SOON!
  * Chowder is disappointed it’s only first gen Pokemon, because how else will he get a Sharpedo?
  * Shitty is the resident gym leader at Harvard Law. He owns that shit. HE IS THE SHIT WITH HIS ODDISH.
  * FUCK YO CHARIZARD HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ODDISH? HE LEVELED THAT SHIT SO HIGH THAT YOUR CHARIZARD CAN’T TOUCH HIM. YOU WILL CRUSHED BY MARY J.
  * Lardo chooses a Charmander as her starter because she wants everything to burn. For art. Of course.
  * It has nothing to do with the fact that when she goes to visit Shitty she will have leveled that bitch so hard that his Oddish will disintegrate as soon as she’s in the vicinity of his gym.
  * Lardo lovingly names her Charmader FuckYourOddish.
  * Shitty has words for her.
  * Ransom catches a Slowpoke and names it Holster.
  * Holster catches a Slowbro and names it Ransom.
  * Bitty silently keeps his title as the Haus Leader.
  * The Vaporeon he has carefully leveled up and named Jay-Z sits on the top of The Haus.
  * Jack beams when he sees it.
  * Shitty is furious when his Oddish is weaker.
  * Everyone in the Haus has found an Exeggcute in the kitchen during breakfast time.
  * Mostly on the stove. It’s a thing.
  * Whiskey swears he saw an Articuno at the rink. Nobody believes him but he swears he swears come on guys you gotta believe me i really really did see it!!
  * Nursey and Dex get really competitive to see who can evolve their pokemon fastest and who can catch the most pokemon and IT IS ON I WILL FIGHT YOU I’M GONNA WIN
  * Tango…doesn’t care.
  * He lost pie privileges for a whole week until he reluctantly downloaded the game.
  * Bitty baked Tango his favorite pie when he gets his first medal.
  * Tango is trash for Pokemon don’t tell anyone.
  * Johnson showed up during a Kegster once with a whole team of Psychic Pokemon.
  * He also distracted everyone when Jack and Bitty wander upstairs together.




	5. Cupcake Wars AU

So let’s say we have a Cupcake Wars AU. And let’s say that the challenge is that the bakers have to create cupcakes for a charity event the Falconers are hosting. Which means that the Guest Judge is Jack Zimmerman, extremely nerdy and very gay hockey player with the Falconers.

Now let’s say we have these teams:

-Bitty’s Bey-kery (Eric Bittle, very smol and very gay, and his assistant, Chowder. All his cakes are fabulous like his Queen.) 

-Shitty Shitty Gumdrops (Brash Baker Shitty and his BFFL Lardo.) 

-Bros Baking (Ransom and Holster, resident bros.) 

-Parson Cakes (Kent Parson, resident asshole, and some poor soul.)

Now you might say, oh hey, that sounds like no problem. Bitty gets a crush and then crushes the competition and then he and Jack make out with cupcake frosting all over their faces.

No, but see, Bitty and Jack hooked up the weekend before the competition without knowing who the other was. TBH it was at a gay bar and they were a little drunk, but they were super into each other but Jack forgot to leave his number and George came to get him before he could get the smol blonde cutie’s number.

So they reunite at the competition and Bitty is super excited because his bakery could get super famous from this show and oh fuck it’s the hot guy from the bar and FUCK CAN I GET DISQUALIFIED FOR THIS

So Jack is awkwardly judging because he’s 99% sure Bitty is his one true gay love and Bitty is a bumbling mess because he’s nervous Jack will say something and get him kicked out of the competition, and both of them are just very cute and very gay and the announcer (some weird dude named Johnson) just comments about the LOADS of sexual tension in the air.

Luckily, Bitty has nothing to worry about because his cakes and decorations blow everyone else out of the water. Parson is the first to go, with his all-natural, vegan cupcakes falling flat in flavor and oily in texture.

Ransom and Holster are eliminated next, they spent too much time throwing frosting and cake mix at one another, and not enough time on actually baking and decorating.

Shitty and Lardo wanted to go out of the box for their display, but in the end, their design of a falcon taking off with smoke coming out the bottom is a miss with the judges, and Bitty wins the competition without Jack’s minuscule bias.

Bitty gets his face and name in the papers with his beautiful hockey display with: a PB&J cupcake decorated with sugar sticks shaped like hockey sticks, a double chocolate cake decorated with a hockey puck, and a peach cobbler cupcake decorated with candied skate on top.

Bitty also gets his face all over Jack Zimmerman afterwards, and they do get cupcake frosting everywhere. 

They get engaged a year later and Bitty bakes a PB&J cake for their wedding.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://www.unexpectedzimbits.tumblr.com/)


End file.
